A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
