If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
