I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
