I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
