Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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