mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
