She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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