That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
