So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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