do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
