I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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