My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found the puke drawer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
