I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
