yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
