he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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