Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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