You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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