When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
