So drunk its hurt
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
