Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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