it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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