I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize