those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
