Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize