They should really pass out barf bags in church
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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