i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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