I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
