woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
