She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize