Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
