my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
