Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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