I am in a vortex of obligation.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
