Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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