Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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