but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
