Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
