I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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