i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
