In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
