I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
