I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
