There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
