I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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