Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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