I think im going to throw up on grandma
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
