I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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