um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
