i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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