My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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