hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
