From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
