you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What drink are we having for lunch?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
