Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
