i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
