Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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