Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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