i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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