bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
