I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
