she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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