i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize