Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize