I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
