i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
