I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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