The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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