Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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