who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
