One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
