My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
