K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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