we have officially lost it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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