I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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