You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
